Tag Archives: offbeat

Human Milk Farm

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what do baby pigs drink? pig milk.
what do baby ducks drink? duck milk.
what do baby cows drink? cow milk.

Should we drink homosapien milk? But are we not babies?

A natural same-species milk would require a new sector of jobs where women or even men would work on a lactation plantation. Digress from the future; back in time the Aztec women used their breast milk as a weapon against conquistadors.

Husband comes home from a long day, “Man I could use a glass of warm fresh milk.” Wife asserts disgustedly, “You think you’re the only one that works around here? That’s it. You’re cut off”. “Honey please? I’m thirsty.”

How about fortifying human milk with protein hormone rHGH instead of rBGH (human growth hormone/bovine growth hormone)?

Go organic and obtain the highest quality by altering diets of the milked humans to obtain a better milk quality. Only grain-fed human milk will be allowed.

May contain milk warning?

Talk is Cost-Effective

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If you multiply
the times you said something,
I will divide
the times I heard them.

Shop for the correct words while super-marketing. The cheapness of speaking is not stifled by inflation. Ready for the lips to close? You will be dismayed to hear quotation marks in their place. Roaring airs will spout from sealed mouths like a leaky valve. Sewage. Spewage. For the sake of Pete, put a leash on that clich-(eh).

Seminars on who to tell, why to tell, tell you how, tell you now, tell you what, tell you when. Rent the hotels to speak about meeting speakers who rent the hotels that meet renters who speak about hotels that speak meters of rent for speaking about hotels that meet rent for speech. Put some lipstick where your money goes. Talk is cost-effective.

Pass the Herpes, Jessica Alba

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Being an expert on genital herpes, I know for a fact that experts know a lot about Herpes Simplex.

300px-jessica_alba_comiccon.JPG

Unfortunately that’s as far as it goes. Some adoring Alba fans are in mass hysteria with the alleged news of outbreak heaven known as Herpes. An insider had to fill Valtrex prescriptions for her supposedly. And even though nobody can confirm anything, they’ll place the cause on Derek Jeter. Then it snowballs with everyone who slept with everyone.

The reality is pretty scarring. Taking into consideration the entire US (not just celebrities), 1 in 4 people have an STD. So people who pass off others as sluts or whatever need to realize that about 25% are just as slutty according to your criteria. HSV2 (Herpes of the genitalia) is almost as common.

Is this a turn off to Jessica’s fanbase? L.A. Rag Mag points out that plenty of other perfect body beauties have blemishes on their intimate areas, but it doesn’t detract much of their approval rating. I’d be interested if someone did some dirty research and wrote a sociological book about the subject of STDs of famous people and how others perceive and react. Is there a higher standard for them? A lower standard? Does the perception differ from ordinary people?

Teach Yourself Child Abuse

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In a constantly-changing world, new abusive technologies exist that haven’t existed yet. I say that the best way to move forward and prepare our children is to abuse them, abuse themselves, and give them the abuse necessary to exist in the future. And here’s how… Abuse them through daily situations. Physical abuse lets kids manage pain that can either kill them or make them stronger. Verbal abuse is another viable choice, allowing children to understand the value of their words as they get harshly scolded. Psychological abuse teaches children to cope wisely. These abuses certainly can teach children the value of existence while being fun too!

You can find out more by interviewing foster children, jailed parents, and the passive peeping Toms and Tamaras. In no way to I condone the reciprocal inverse of one of the ten commandments. Thou shalt obey thy mother and father => Thou shalt disobey thy son and daughter. But a more serious question: Can a middle aged man be a victim of child abuse? Can his father or mother misuse him? After all, abuse is to use wrongly. Can Child Protective Services get involved? And is there a way to use a child correctly to counter abuse?

Color of Racism (It’s Not Blue)

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The man who makes fun of you is making fun of himself. Just like you, he’s a person. Why should your fingerprints matter? The world is too imbecilic to count with fingers. Some discriminate themselves by sitting in the roped off section. Others prohibit the use of bleach. It’s not wrong to be proud of what you are but it’s not right to say you’re better than anyone else. We don’t get to decide where we come from; you could have been a different race or marathon. I don’t think you would hate your own kind because they just are.


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The color of racism is no color I want to be. All the rest of the crayon box is fine. Just don’t pick up the color of racism.

This feller in the youtube vid is a blue/grey man who lives his life with minimal social engagements from colloidal silver. At first glance, this man looks like he’s stuck in a black and white 1920 movie. He sort of manufactured his condition non-genetically, but he won’t be able to claim affirmative action or employ minority advantages. He’s just a smurf-colored human. He has a right to feel uncomfortable if he so wishes, but being treated ill because of it is a sh*tpie in the face.

Aggravation (a Kore*us)

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There are times when I sink to the bottom, times I am torn to pieces, more broken than shards of glass. Infuriating disgust and rage overcoming, the sudden urges must be held back. Let time heal my emotive fallacies. Allow it. I am not so petty, so thin. I won’t let me back in there. I mentally bash my mind–attack the source.

But of course my aggravation only calms me down. Because life is a lyric.

a living gave without contradiction
things nonfiction blurr
hearts are nails
only one today
the Exist blurr
life can
worlds are of words

PS. This brings a new rewinder to beatniks

Rhinoderma

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By my interests and work in so many other directions–in literature, journalism, education, philanthropy, and religion–which had been testified to by so many notable people on this occasion, I hoped to prove that I was not a mere faddist, who could be led away by a chimerical fantasy. I wanted the world to understand that I was a clear-brained, commonsense woman of the world, whose views were as worthy of credence as her work in other directions had been worthy of acceptance. Today brought so much joy to me that there was little wonder I was able to conclude my birthday poem “Rhinoderma” with the lines:

I’m a tadpole inside of a pouch.
My body is getting tired so I lie on the couch.
My brother trips on a white rock and says “ouch”
But I pay no attn because he’s a grouch.

It suddenly comes to me- where I’m at
In my father’s mouth is where we sat.
He protected me in my habitat
From the camel, the duck, + the bat.

It’s been 3 wks + I feel like a frog.
My dad spits me out + I land on a log.
Hooray I’m no longer a poliwog.
Oh No! I’ve been eaten by a groundhog.

I see myself in little pieces
But it’s alright cuz I count the breezes.
Through it all my blood, it freezes.
Trouble and pain turn into eases.

Sexual Womyn are Carnivorous

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You think men are the hunters, heh? Well did you ever realize that sexually active women are devouring sausage via their penis fly traps? The real meat eaters have been the phemail race, not as gatherers as evolution/anthropology/culture studies suggest. Reverting to venus fly traps… They live on meat. Does PETA wish for the extinction of such plants? I hope not. It just shows that eating animals is a common occurrence that is found naturally. Chowing down on chicken is an organic endeavor. If you can’t stand the killing, then don’t eat it. Steakhouses should have a slaughterhouse upstairs that is audible from the dining area. If you feel queasy hearing your meal screaming, then you should order something else. If you don’t mind eating an animal if it is put to death humanely, then please order the ribeye. Think of it as recycling. Instead of burying the bovines, it gets used as food for the hungry.

Meat is a woman’s best friend.

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Going back to a topic I’ve already put some thought into, rawhide is a man’s best friend in the blistering sun. A new study came out recently that proves that animals have been eating other animals to survive. This 7 year finding observed animals from all continents to see if they would eat or starve. In almost all cases the animals consumed other animals and bugs even if they were given leafy desserts afterwards. Some stubborn animals refused to eat cooked meals, but the scientists managed to force feed lab rats to unsuspecting animals while sleeping or procreating. Beyond the studies, it has been found that plant-eaters, or derogatively known as herbivores, have a higher occurrence of constipation due to high fiber in the stools. They are the end of the food chain as they will be devoured by predators.

Us hippies prefer to save the earth and keep Mother Nature free from crop destroying plant killers. Think of all the oxygen we could gain and all the CO2 that would be swallowed by uneaten trees and shrubbery!?! We’d be one leap closer to a greener utopia where mother and child could suck the last morsel of meat off a rack of ribs. HERBal teas? Nah… We prefer Carnal Tea.

Protein is important for health and growth. And the protein that comes from an animal is guaranteed to be more kinetic due to the warmblooded-ness of many of your favorite foods. This extra energy emits a stronger action potential that has been correlated with fulfilling longevity. A little-known fact is that some vegetables and non-metazoan foods contain harmful Acrylamide, or Contratein (against protein) which can be found in potato chips, french fries, baked wheat products, and possibly fried greens and veggies. Acrylamide eats away protein antibodies that may lead to a higher incidence of pathogen-carriers such organic cancer (colloquially known as herbal organ intoxication) and carnophobia.


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Please think the next time you order something from a fast food joint. Get that Big Mac without lettuce. Avoid raw leafy substances. Remember when they recalled spinach? They recalled it for a reason. It’s disgusting (without being covered in meat broth). Bugs and stupid small-brained animals resort to eating, sleeping on, and defecating on plants for leisure. Stay as far away as you can from plants and your mouth. Every plant has its germ. The chlorophyll and plant structure is designed to survive and one of its tactics is human sickness. It is nearly impossible to remove every bacteria and fungus from a plant. It requires temperatures hot enough to cremate the plant before microorganisms are totally abolished. After it has been sanitized, it no longer contains nutrients and the ashes have a bad aftertaste. Believe me, I’ve tried to mask the taste with cod liver oil and butter with no luck. Just say no to saying yes to plant food. You are not a hamster. You are a sausage king. Just don’t get too carried away and enter a hot dog competition.

“unnecessary” quotation marks

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I’m not a grammar Nazi, but I thought this was funny and educational “in one fell swoop.”

Necessary use of quotes include

– demarcating speech: “Yo Dawg,” said Rover.
– sarcasm or ironic references, often said with intonation or with the help of air quotes.
– Use–mention, noting the word itself rather than concept or meaning: “Uke” may have originated as a shortened form of “ukelele.”
– Titles: I repeatedly listened to the Beach Boys’ “I Just Wasn’t Made for These Times” 12 times.

Other times they are used for emphasizing words, when more accurately underlining, italicizing, highlighting, or even circling may be less ambiguous to the intentions.

I’ll let you wear my “clean” clothes.

This could imply you are lending not-so-clean clothes. Or that “clean” has a different meaning than expected. Think about the importance of a place that has “AIDS free” needles! Hah.

Get your “kicks” on “Route 66” over at “http://quotation-marks.blogspot.com/“