Archive for the 'feelings' Category

20
Oct

Rape Squad: Act of Vengeance

By myrah 0 Comments
Categories: Uncategorized and feelings

My library had a book sale and on the last day they offered $5 for a bag of whatever they had available. I managed to get some old magazines, a few books, and a couple movies. One of these movies was Rape Squad. I had an obligation to fill my bag to garner value out of that $5. I’m not sure what brought me to pick up Rape Squad other than the shock value. And it was made in the seventies. The DVD even had a pricetag on it from my local used bookstore. It had to be worth looking into. I was trying to save it for a date movie, but my curiosity couldn’t wait that long because I haven’t been acting attractive lately. No prospective guys are in my life these days, and that’s refreshing for the most part.

The Movie was tacky, campy, and contradicting. An anti-rape movie depicting rape (not too graphically, but still disturbing to WANT to watch) that offers boob shots during the victimization. It doesn’t market itself very well. It reminds me of Halloween. It’s okay to be who you aren’t then, or to be the real you (the dark side) without being seen as an evil person. Who knows… maybe it’ll be on during the holiday, or I’ll push play during the freakshow parties I go to.

29
Aug

I felt angles of this life dimension

By myrah 0 Comments
Categories: feelings, life, ramblin' and stress

I am sinking into this hopeless bliss. Everything couldn’t be more unsettling. I can’t accomplish a thing without paying a figurative fee to society. I have no interest in my behavior. I don’t realize my facadistic impulses until someone brings them to my attention deficit disorder. I don’t care if my lifespan doesn’t match the posthuman. What have I that will hack my existence? Most of my parts work like when they were new. Devoid direction is my mapless conquest. I am soothed by the unexpected. I claim to live in it with ease; I now put it under reconsideration.

Reconstructing the dream sequence involves going back to sleep and when I say “back to sleep” I mean sleeping back then/not on your back/not returning where you left off. Sleepful content is had when learning happens, when learnedness is applied, and when there the uncontrolled yields a potential quality. This sleep is life to me. But I am also literally tired of sleeping and waking. Let it be one or the other. I now can handle both with equal interest, but trouble through shuffling the deck of nights and days. Tonight might be a face card where I get too much sleep or deuce to depravity.

What kind of precision can you achieve if you arbitrarily make a compound miter cut (CONFUSE MYSELF)? The final products are invisible to me and is there a good angle or a technique that works or does it even matter? I can help from being a rear-view filmmaker. I don’t need to record my life. Replays aren’t where I can live. Boy am I glad I am not finished with the filmography. Girl am I sad that I can’t focus on the current production. Nobody is the devine director.

Emotions are like magnetic fields, attracting its opposite. The element of reality known as NOW is rhetorical surface tension.

07
Aug

Hooking up unhooks

By myrah 0 Comments
Categories: feelings, life and relationship

If a partner in a hook-up begins to care for the other, the desire for commitment may drive the other away. Reasons for embracing a hookup could be to (1) fulfill a sexual desire without responsibility, (2)
compromise emotional security to satisfy desire for intimacy, or (3) submitting to incompatible partners instead of seeking an enduring relationship.

The common ground found is that people are afraid of engaging on a deeper level. Why? They know it can be dangerous. They don’t want to break hearts. They don’t want to have a heart that breaks. They avoid the heart instead. Heartless acts are cold. So the intentions are more detrimental on a hidden level. I hope I am never selfish enough.

23
Jun

Lookism and the Soda Age

By myrah 0 Comments
Categories: feelings, life and opinions

Server to middle-aged couple…
says:What can I get for you to drink?
Subconscious Implication: Have whatever you want.

Server to young lively group indecipherably over 21…
says:What do you want to drink? We have Coke, Sprite, Rootbeer…
Subconscious Implication: You only option is soda tonight!

Fresh 21 year olds have designated drinkers who donate the driving to less responsible alcoholics. Even if this occurs before your best friend’s birthday who is already 21, you may still get the mandatory soda option.

The power of lookism will make you organize predispositions without taking into consideration the recognition of variations. So I got mad that I was verbally limited to those drink selections. I could easily order a beer in spite of her but I didn’t need to defend myself.

It’s funny how I was misinterpreted about being older than I really am in some cases, but the challenge of being seen as under 21 was still in effect. A public directory had me a year older than I was and Kid A believed me to be that age. I had to defend myself that I was actually younger. So the power of the look was overcome by media, then by word of mouth. The word of mouth defense then gave lookism another chance to question my youngness after media was wrong by overaging. Media (Marshall McLuhan never realized) creates another force that fights internal prejudice, but therefore stirs into the pot a more dangerous external prejudice.

I don’t give care if I look 18 or 25, because I’ve been seen as both on first impressions- 1st impressions before being skewed by behavioral and mental interaction. And still lookism prevails on last impressions. I saw you for the 100th time and you still think I’m 19. Maybe that’s why you won’t have an adult conversation with me. I don’t read coloring books anymore.

02
Jun

feelers, time, and breakups

By myrah 0 Comments
Categories: Uncategorized, feelings, life, relationship and stress

Instead of antentae, humans got stuck with emotional feelers.

I have a lust and disgust for time. I need more of it, but I’d love to rid myself of it (not in a life-ending way, don’t worry!). My life now exponentially feels fuller and quicker. Time flies when you are having anything, not just fun… Time drags when you don’t think, or when you think of things you are not interested in. I haven’t felt so thoughtful in my entire life. Things are flying: through rain, snow, sleet, hail, fun, letdown, and opportunity.

I’ve lost a lover. He was a rare kind. Time ran me by and I got thrown off my feet. He ended commitments three months after discovering each other on a personal level. A short time, but an endless package of feelings and gatherings to replay for lifetimes. Companions are for life. Couples have breakups. I think I had both whether a couple of people constitute a couple, we up and broke our romance. We have companionship left over. That’s most important… I could use more ships full of company.

I am struck by his decision to hold back on “us.” If it’s a hiatus, things will straighten out together on its own. If it’s the ending punctuation mark on the sentence of love, then both of us must know that a piece of us and our experience will linger stiffened in the past, unchangeable, but retrievable. The ending period doesn’t stop anybody from reading what’s written before it. The authors can revise and append the story of love or they can leave the sentence abandoned- the orphan.

I feel like I have reasons for having feelings, rather than the isolated individual perspective of submersion in apathetic teeter of melancholy and euphoria.

disappointed but grateful
detached but realistic
blank but hopeful
fragmented but understanding
confused but content
empty but growing

I feel a physical manifestation of ambivalence.

16
May

I maded horchata

By myrah 0 Comments
Categories: feelings, life and the haps

all by myself! The horchata tastes ok. I let it sit too long and get too strong. It was pretty easy to make and I got excited making one of my favorite drinks. It is not as good as the Rice Dream kind though. The horchata I made has a slight aftertaste. Despite the rice imperfection, today was prettay nice. I attended a birthday of a friend and had a free dinner that was superdelicious. It took place at her house and a small handful of her close pals were there. Good conversation, plenty of laughter. The day eased any of my concerns of family toils I’ve been having, and Oh, I forgot to write down that I got a new job right after my debacle over half year ago. Shortly after I screwed my secretary career, I scored a well-paying job.

New job title: auto broker.
New mood: nirvana.

Life is almost too good. For twice, I can say I am content, everything is working out, and nothing could be better. I am content, everything is working out, and nothing could be better.

I feel guilty. Being so happy shouldn’t be legal. I know too many people on the other end of life… and with good reason. Where has all my hell and drama gone? I know it’s right behind me.

13
Mar

Talk is Cost-Effective

By myrah 0 Comments
Categories: feelings, offbeat, opinions, ramblin' and stress

If you multiply
the times you said something,
I will divide
the times I heard them.

Shop for the correct words while super-marketing. The cheapness of speaking is not stifled by inflation. Ready for the lips to close? You will be dismayed to hear quotation marks in their place. Roaring airs will spout from sealed mouths like a leaky valve. Sewage. Spewage. For the sake of Pete, put a leash on that clich-(eh).

Seminars on who to tell, why to tell, tell you how, tell you now, tell you what, tell you when. Rent the hotels to speak about meeting speakers who rent the hotels that meet renters who speak about hotels that speak meters of rent for speaking about hotels that meet rent for speech. Put some lipstick where your money goes. Talk is cost-effective.

10
Mar

Pass the Herpes, Jessica Alba

By myrah 0 Comments
Categories: feelings, offbeat and ramblin'

Being an expert on genital herpes, I know for a fact that experts know a lot about Herpes Simplex.

300px-jessica_alba_comiccon.JPG

Unfortunately that’s as far as it goes. Some adoring Alba fans are in mass hysteria with the alleged news of outbreak heaven known as Herpes. An insider had to fill Valtrex prescriptions for her supposedly. And even though nobody can confirm anything, they’ll place the cause on Derek Jeter. Then it snowballs with everyone who slept with everyone.

The reality is pretty scarring. Taking into consideration the entire US (not just celebrities), 1 in 4 people have an STD. So people who pass off others as sluts or whatever need to realize that about 25% are just as slutty according to your criteria. HSV2 (Herpes of the genitalia) is almost as common.

Is this a turn off to Jessica’s fanbase? L.A. Rag Mag points out that plenty of other perfect body beauties have blemishes on their intimate areas, but it doesn’t detract much of their approval rating. I’d be interested if someone did some dirty research and wrote a sociological book about the subject of STDs of famous people and how others perceive and react. Is there a higher standard for them? A lower standard? Does the perception differ from ordinary people?

03
Feb

when can I feel

By myrah 0 Comments
Categories: feelings, relationship and stress

I’d like to
have the capacity
to drive
myself
to you.

I
am just waiting
for the
when
to arrive.

Do we both
require
initiation
before reply?

When can I feel? When never comes, when becomes never, and never comes whenever. Arrows are thrown in a short upward thrusts, as to land where it was. I need to be informed. I am not information. I am looking to be looked upon. Honestly, honesty must spill itself in front of me. I have not dropped all of my belongings yet. Am I holding on to my honesty without showing it beyond my eyes. Candid spontaneity is when. I will start to tell untold information that could have been secrets.

01
Feb

no real life is static

By myrah 0 Comments
Categories: dreaming, feelings, life, opinions and ramblin'

I put my life on the spot. Just think of where it’s going. I’ve got to be wise and keep it on track. The facts are right here to find. I’m searching within myself for the answer. You can only feel how you really feel and reject or accept the reality. You decide its worth and outcome. My life is not false.

I couldn’t understand some parts of this article but I guess I just need to check some more resources regarding this, because it sounds interesting.

I confuse myself. I need a bachelor’s degree from the University and a 4.0 GPA. I need to be a bar hopper to get a record in high jumping.

Some people like to think there’s a cosmic connection to one another; a subtle telepathy, like when two people from across the world discover something about the same time without any direct contact with each other. I don’t really find support for this as a paranormal occurrence, because they have the same utilities of the era to make the discovery by.

But what if we could share dreams?
While sleeping we’d interact
in a networked realm
not linked with the physical
world you think of when
you wake up.

But what if we could share dreams? As in experience and shape dreams together. Isn’t that life? Yet people seem fragmented with each other so the dream becomes an isolated state of paralyzed reality. I personally have a comfort in dreams and I think it justified. But I should dream within the waking world. Most dreams lack hyperbole of self-consciousness of my actions within the dream scenario. To hyperbolize self-consciousness would be to think that my contribution is the over-realized center of the situation (a geocentric sun-spin-around-the-earth viewpoint). You freeze frame yourself to look behind and ahead and feel concerned about the chunks rather than just dreaming through it so as to overemphasize a characteristic of it pertaining to the self. I’m pondering applying the anti-hyperbole to waking life. While not entirely disregarding all cares beyond myself, I’d be living a realer life if I modeled myself like an uninhibited dreamer. I’d go beyond stream-of-consciousness. I would be the stream, flowing through reality instead of spectating like first-person machinery.

“You can never step into the same river twice” -Heraclitus
“You can’t step into the same river even once” -Cratylus

The present isn’t one capturable unit, but a moving block without defined shape or limits. Instead of “the present,” we should start calling it “the presents” without literalizing the plurality.

mantra
no real life is static
static is no real life
static is real no life
life is real static no?
no static is real life
no real is static life
life is real no static
real is no static life

So I should kill someone just because in dreamworld the rules don’t apply and I’ll will just wake up?

Instead, turn life into your dream; not your dream into a life.

turn life into your dream makes past events not so relevant to you, as previous actions are not indicative of your behavior nor should they concern you in a way that it defines you permanently.

turn your dream into a life puts you in the same boat as a crazy serial killer (a kind of disregard for the dream itself; or a philosophy of dreaming your life away; an excuse for druggies).


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