Tag Archives: lust

feelers, time, and breakups

Instead of antentae, humans got stuck with emotional feelers.

I have a lust and disgust for time. I need more of it, but I’d love to rid myself of it (not in a life-ending way, don’t worry!). My life now exponentially feels fuller and quicker. Time flies when you are having anything, not just fun… Time drags when you don’t think, or when you think of things you are not interested in. I haven’t felt so thoughtful in my entire life. Things are flying: through rain, snow, sleet, hail, fun, letdown, and opportunity.

I’ve lost a lover. He was a rare kind. Time ran me by and I got thrown off my feet. He ended commitments three months after discovering each other on a personal level. A short time, but an endless package of feelings and gatherings to replay for lifetimes. Companions are for life. Couples have breakups. I think I had both whether a couple of people constitute a couple, we up and broke our romance. We have companionship left over. That’s most important… I could use more ships full of company.

I am struck by his decision to hold back on “us.” If it’s a hiatus, things will straighten out together on its own. If it’s the ending punctuation mark on the sentence of love, then both of us must know that a piece of us and our experience will linger stiffened in the past, unchangeable, but retrievable. The ending period doesn’t stop anybody from reading what’s written before it. The authors can revise and append the story of love or they can leave the sentence abandoned- the orphan.

I feel like I have reasons for having feelings, rather than the isolated individual perspective of submersion in apathetic teeter of melancholy and euphoria.

disappointed but grateful
detached but realistic
blank but hopeful
fragmented but understanding
confused but content
empty but growing

I feel a physical manifestation of ambivalence.

Preprogrammed Lust and Teenaged lussed

It’s hard to rid the desires of intimacy without engaging them. Some choose to do things they regret, others suffer, others have no problems- Yah right. Is lust a condition of humankind or is it just as fervent in the animal kingdom? Are we more likely to defy the institution of marriage because of its very existence. I haven’t done any studies, but I can’t really do anything but ponder it all. What wires people so strongly to jab a rod into someone’s canal? or stimulate a cavity. That’s all it is. Lots of pleasure reception in a localized area. Beings- do they have a pleasure addiction? Does Asceticism solve any problems or make people go crazier? I don’t have any answers. Telling you questions; Asking me lies. Obsession. Lack of control or just wanting to eat an entire box of chocolates? You never know what you’re gunna get, maybe a case of diarrhea’s evil cousin, gonorrhea. Don’t forget Siffy and her friends having lunch. No need to worry, it’ll never happen to you with an invincible sheet of rubber. The world is not going to end if you have children at age 14. There is risk in everything, even eating food you might get food poisoning (Digestively Transmitted Discomfort).

Maybe I’ll try to accumulate more thoughts that could manifest in a later write-up here.