Not many people know, but my mom is a convicted felon charged with voluntary manslaughter against “Pop.” My father (he sure ain’t a dad) was verbally abusive toward my mother for years. He would get hammered from a refrigerator of Miller brews. Not a night would go by without me waking up hearing him yell about nothing. I got as comfortable as I could get going to elementary school the next day. It was one evening that my father pushed her in a rage. It was not a violent or painful shove, but enough to demand a response. She cracked. She hospitalized my father that night. That night I became a temporary orphan. My mom would be at the local jail that night, and my father recovering from burns on his face from a hot pan and a broken jaw. The episode lasted no longer than a minute, but I remember it clearer than anything I’ve witnessed and it stays with me. It has affected my life forever.
I hear that most women are in jail due to problems with a relationship that led to crime like being abused and fighting back. This is what happened in my family. I live with my dad, unhappily… He shares some of the blame and I can tell he feels ashamed. Instead of a remedy, he has sunk further to drinking. Since the divorce, my dad has come out of the closet and I’ve seen the strangest guys in and out of my house for the past year. I am ready to leave but don’t have enough to live out on my own. I’m a little dysfunctional myself and wouldn’t want to burden my friends who are struggling themselves.
I don’t think there is any value in wearing it, except for fur. Hats of meat go beyond moderation and give steak lovers a bad name. People could be eating those sausage links, the ground beef, the pork chops. Stinky hats just asking to be called a grease-head and a swarm of insects sounds like no party to me. Just a bad idea if you ask me or even if you don’t ask me.
I’m so appalled that I need to propose a new invention. You know those beer helmets used by crazed football fans for hands-free guzzling?
Well how about the hookah hat with the same design. Secure a chamber for the coals so you don’t burn yourself, then harness it and use the tube like you would the beer holder helmet. Instead of drinking, you’ll be hitting the shisha in a convenient way that your frat brothers will envy (or others for that matter). Now this might sound silly, but it’s ingenious compared to a meathat.
You think men are the hunters, heh? Well did you ever realize that sexually active women are devouring sausage via their penis fly traps? The real meat eaters have been the phemail race, not as gatherers as evolution/anthropology/culture studies suggest. Reverting to venus fly traps… They live on meat. Does PETA wish for the extinction of such plants? I hope not. It just shows that eating animals is a common occurrence that is found naturally. Chowing down on chicken is an organic endeavor. If you can’t stand the killing, then don’t eat it. Steakhouses should have a slaughterhouse upstairs that is audible from the dining area. If you feel queasy hearing your meal screaming, then you should order something else. If you don’t mind eating an animal if it is put to death humanely, then please order the ribeye. Think of it as recycling. Instead of burying the bovines, it gets used as food for the hungry.
Going back to a topic I’ve already put some thought into, rawhide is a man’s best friend in the blistering sun. A new study came out recently that proves that animals have been eating other animals to survive. This 7 year finding observed animals from all continents to see if they would eat or starve. In almost all cases the animals consumed other animals and bugs even if they were given leafy desserts afterwards. Some stubborn animals refused to eat cooked meals, but the scientists managed to force feed lab rats to unsuspecting animals while sleeping or procreating. Beyond the studies, it has been found that plant-eaters, or derogatively known as herbivores, have a higher occurrence of constipation due to high fiber in the stools. They are the end of the food chain as they will be devoured by predators.
Us hippies prefer to save the earth and keep Mother Nature free from crop destroying plant killers. Think of all the oxygen we could gain and all the CO2 that would be swallowed by uneaten trees and shrubbery!?! We’d be one leap closer to a greener utopia where mother and child could suck the last morsel of meat off a rack of ribs. HERBal teas? Nah… We prefer Carnal Tea.
Protein is important for health and growth. And the protein that comes from an animal is guaranteed to be more kinetic due to the warmblooded-ness of many of your favorite foods. This extra energy emits a stronger action potential that has been correlated with fulfilling longevity. A little-known fact is that some vegetables and non-metazoan foods contain harmful Acrylamide, or Contratein (against protein) which can be found in potato chips, french fries, baked wheat products, and possibly fried greens and veggies. Acrylamide eats away protein antibodies that may lead to a higher incidence of pathogen-carriers such organic cancer (colloquially known as herbal organ intoxication) and carnophobia.
Please think the next time you order something from a fast food joint. Get that Big Mac without lettuce. Avoid raw leafy substances. Remember when they recalled spinach? They recalled it for a reason. It’s disgusting (without being covered in meat broth). Bugs and stupid small-brained animals resort to eating, sleeping on, and defecating on plants for leisure. Stay as far away as you can from plants and your mouth. Every plant has its germ. The chlorophyll and plant structure is designed to survive and one of its tactics is human sickness. It is nearly impossible to remove every bacteria and fungus from a plant. It requires temperatures hot enough to cremate the plant before microorganisms are totally abolished. After it has been sanitized, it no longer contains nutrients and the ashes have a bad aftertaste. Believe me, I’ve tried to mask the taste with cod liver oil and butter with no luck. Just say no to saying yes to plant food. You are not a hamster. You are a sausage king. Just don’t get too carried away and enter a hot dog competition.
I’m not a grammar Nazi, but I thought this was funny and educational “in one fell swoop.”
Necessary use of quotes include
– demarcating speech: “Yo Dawg,” said Rover.
– sarcasm or ironic references, often said with intonation or with the help of air quotes.
– Use–mention, noting the word itself rather than concept or meaning: “Uke” may have originated as a shortened form of “ukelele.”
– Titles: I repeatedly listened to the Beach Boys’ “I Just Wasn’t Made for These Times” 12 times.
Other times they are used for emphasizing words, when more accurately underlining, italicizing, highlighting, or even circling may be less ambiguous to the intentions.
I’ll let you wear my “clean” clothes.
This could imply you are lending not-so-clean clothes. Or that “clean” has a different meaning than expected. Think about the importance of a place that has “AIDS free” needles! Hah.
A normal serving of Caffeinated Soap will dish out 200 mg of caffeine directly into your body. No eating of the soap is required. Just cleanse yourself with this and feel rejuvinated. Shock Soap is the new cocaine.
In the name of productivity do people turn into products.
This is a picture of raw caffeine in white crystalline powder. Looks a bit like cocaine, but it’s much more legal and widespread. Even narcs use it.
second hand smoke
sugar substitutes / artificial sweeteners
butter vs. margarine
Use of these products may be hazardous to your health.
These could all be bad for you, your health, your body, your life. Did I forget the harder stuff? Meth isn’t so great. Everything kills you slowly. Diet soda isn’t better than regular soda. You may have an excuse if your diabetic, maybe.
Aspartame doesn’t seem to have a good track record. Saccharin, while not crazy dangerous, used to have a cancer warning. It has been studied more closely and such a problem was not concluded by peer review.
The thing to ponder today is why there is concern. Most studies are inconclusive about long term damages. This shouldn’t make you automatically conclude they will make you drop dead. On the other token, you shouldn’t classify anything as safe just because the FDA or a bunch of Ph. D’s give an OK. Everything is relative. Moderation is key, but sometimes a few drops or a sprinkle is the spark for a fire. Everyone has a vice and I am sick of seeing hostility for a drunkard when the accuser is a coffee junkie. Or a chain smoker who speaks ill of “Made from sugar, so it tastes like sugar” products. Or a drug lord who complains of second hand smoke. You don’t eat 6000 calories in one sitting like your obese neighbor; instead you sit in your chair watching 18 straight hours of television nagging your mother to find batteries for the remote. Huffing spray paint isn’t your game either. You prefer to fight people in and out of the ring.
Their dislike may be justified, but they fail to realize what they do could be just as deserving of flak. GRRR. Do we need any more reminders that we are imperfect? Make yourself feel better by telling yourself that you are in the better position. You don’t do illegal drugs; you just take Adderall for a disease you think you have. I call it Self-fulfilling ADD Pseudoprophecy. Time to increase the dose- you’re not feeling sedated enough.
The title of the post is the exact statement of a friend of mine. Once a virgin, twice a herpes magnet. I’m pretty (and very) conservative. I am a late bloomer, never doing anything dirty in high school.
Paraphrasing what my anonymous friend says:
Being sexually active involves willingly subjecting myself to genital herpes. I had no idea whether they were disease-free unless I had hard evidence. I had to trust that they were tested or inactive. I didn’t have anything to worry about myself. I’d say it ain’t worth it though. Sex isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, even with a whip. It’s fun for the 10 minutes it lasts. All my girlfriends faking almost all their orgasms proves my point.
Some people just enjoy diseases. Look at all the people ready and raring to plop man flesh in their mouth, or to slip into a hole full of s*#t. It’s very possible that these adventurous souls want to experience first-hand what it’s like. They are like scientists donating their bodies to science before their demise. I gotta give them credit. That’s a sacrifice to breakout in rash or any other atrocity for the good of all mankind… so determined.
The Flaming Lips never would have thought that I could link that song with venereal disease. Boo YAH!111!!! (ONES added for internet emphasis)
The problem of language is that you don’t know what I’m about to talk about…
diseases on sweating of fish
1. Fish who have sweating diseases.
2. Diseases carried by the sweat of fish.
3. The rare class of diseases in which mammals actually sweat fish out of the pores of the skin.
Number 1, All fish have sweating diseases. They can’t sweat.
Number 2, There are no such diseases, until they day we discover a sweaty fish. I take Omega 3 fish oils but that is not sweat, although mercury content is a health concern.
Number 3, Thoroughly undocumented is the account of marine life in parts of Indonesia. Two fishermen there and a few consumers of seafood who eat varieties of fish have had cases of sweating minuscule fish out of the skin. Although rather tiny fish emerge from the skin, they do not pass through the skin well and irritate the skin and appear as lacerations after exiting. Often the fish are not noticeable until they escape the pores, so there is no easy way detect it. Additionally, after exiting the skin they may fall off as easy as dead skin cells and never be seen. The causes are sometimes eating pregnant fish who produce dwarf offspring. They thrive in warm salty water, and sweat is a good equivalent. Other cases have been reported of eating fish above the chain from the previous stated fish. The feed on these small fish and they remain alive in the fish for several days and can withstand high temperatures (light cooking).
There have only been a few documented cases in the region.