Category Archives: life

living existence

A College Diet

Sugar Free or Sugar Slave? Well I’m not a hyperactive gal so I must be fairly free. Every day this semester, college seems like it’s taking me nowhere except to some place that seems like nowhere. Regardless of classes I’m taking, teachers I’m learning from, and homework I’m doing, I feel like an obese learner. I’m a university couch potato. I actually do my work and study. Hit the books… with my face. But seriously- I am learning very little hearing an hour lecture every weekday on garbology. I need a student loan to loan me a four-year vacation. Don’t you love it when your Food Science and Nutrition instructor expands on global warming threats. And she doesn’t even relate it back to how it slow roasts food! Mmm, warm carrots. Simmering salmon. Wind-roasted apples. NO!?! None of it. There’s only a surcharge of $600 to sit through the class and escape with an acceptable lowfat grade. Watch your carbs and ask Weight Watchers to watch you wait.

So to all dying for some turkey, make your own recipe. It’s not that hard to make a turkey, unless you plan of giving birth to one. And yess. I had a fine Thanksgiving. Turkey Day was almost as good. Just ask Hulk Hogan if he’s heard of Atkins. It is documented that diets do work, but will power loses to keep it off. It becomes progressively harder to lose more weight because your body fights to maintain its set point. Think of it as an equilibrium where your chemistry tells you what is best. For some it’s 350 lbs. Others: 600 kilos. What if we just gave hypothyroid medication to overweight people? Too many people suffer from Dietbetes. Dieting is not such a great idea in itself. Exercise and have smaller meals instead of 2 or 3 big ones. Dieting causes obesity to stay a problem. And it’s not anyone’s fault. Diets are made to be broken. (Cue the Goo Goo Dolls’ “Iris” song). Moderation is a better word and tactic. Digressing into compromise–Everyone is on a diet. I’m on the “eat what you feel like and prefer the healthier stuff” diet. My portions and number of meals vary. That’s OK. I’m skinny, but not concerned about how many pounds I own. I’m more concerned about my breasts, my heart, my brain. Ward off heart disease. Coronary arteries would not enjoy a disease.

mom, convicted felon. me, conflicted fugue.

Not many people know, but my mom is a convicted felon charged with voluntary manslaughter against “Pop.” My father (he sure ain’t a dad) was verbally abusive toward my mother for years. He would get hammered from a refrigerator of Miller brews. Not a night would go by without me waking up hearing him yell about nothing. I got as comfortable as I could get going to elementary school the next day. It was one evening that my father pushed her in a rage. It was not a violent or painful shove, but enough to demand a response. She cracked. She hospitalized my father that night. That night I became a temporary orphan. My mom would be at the local jail that night, and my father recovering from burns on his face from a hot pan and a broken jaw. The episode lasted no longer than a minute, but I remember it clearer than anything I’ve witnessed and it stays with me. It has affected my life forever.

I hear that most women are in jail due to problems with a relationship that led to crime like being abused and fighting back. This is what happened in my family. I live with my dad, unhappily… He shares some of the blame and I can tell he feels ashamed. Instead of a remedy, he has sunk further to drinking. Since the divorce, my dad has come out of the closet and I’ve seen the strangest guys in and out of my house for the past year. I am ready to leave but don’t have enough to live out on my own. I’m a little dysfunctional myself and wouldn’t want to burden my friends who are struggling themselves.

EEG and Hypnosis

I’ve been fascinated in hypnosis. It may not exist in the paranormal light it is often presented, but I’d like to learn more about it. It seems to have a sociological aspect to its existence. Have a look at hypnosis training with a portable EEG Machine. If this were reproducible and only through hypnosis, then there might be a case for its validity. Like the Amazing Kreskin, I don’t believe in a hypnotic trance or an altered state of reality is required to fool someone or to influence people.

Derren Brown and Criss Angel have gotten pretty popular in recent years. There are others that are more classic and have preceded them. These people need consultants. Some of these people include Banachek, Max Maven, and Richard Osterlind. Even Penn & Teller turn to others for help, but they have done some original stunts and research of their own.

It seems the CIA was pretty interested in behavior modification for some 20 odd years. MK-Ultra and Mind Control. Yumm…

Suprisingly, some scientists seem to give credibility to hypnosis [Scientific American]. Although I don’t have a first hand account of things in the article, the descriptions sound fishy enough. A person who is not hypnotized can and will drop their hands after imagining a heavy ball (and even imagining they aren’t). People’s arms get tired and will droop in a natural setting over time. That is a poor measurement for being under the influence of hypnotic suggestion. This brings me back to my first example of an EEG. Analyzing the brain is a better method than going on personal accounts. People will believe anything. Hynoplacebo effect? On the other end, I read that one study found little or no significant difference in EEG readings. So maybe there is nothing to get excited about.

existential panic after insect murder

This has got to be the most insignificant but worthwhile event that has happened lately. I saw some kind of insect. I think some sort of beetle. It had fallen-and-it-couldn’t-get-up. It was stuck on it’s back and was scratching at the air to turn itself over. I thought about what intentions it had. Either genetics was programming it to survive or it thought about getting out of his situation. I intervened with an oversized wrench that was sitting 4 feet above the bugger. I picked up the wrench and proceeded to perform a live dissection. It was an easy cut that seemed to divide his top and bottom half perfectly. I looked at the split in two insect. There was a pause and I saw the head and the 2 legs still squirming in a heavier commotion. I felt bad. I needed to complete my needless injuries. Before passing the final blow, I examined the portion that was lifeless, although I imagined a couple twitch of the posterior legs. Round 2 and the wrench overcame. Within those moments chemicals exploded inside my body and my head was in a haze of abstract mystery. It’s not that I felt guilty. Inside was a palpitating heartbeat and a rush of adrenaline. It could be described as a panic attack in a existential sense. Being and subjecting myself and my actions on the beetle. The murder that took place was no different than the tale Albert Camus created in The Stranger.

What was left out of that story was a vivid emotional array by the Killer of the Arab. My interactive and personal intensities to the situation exceeded the rationality of the events.

For further reading of related microscopic importance (namely the death of bugs), read The Death of the Moth by Virginia Woolf. It is on the caring side but I share the same observations and relate to this story.

A moth recently visit my room after the previous events. I decided to let it fly. It remains in my room and I closed the door. Even after I had reopened the door, it stayed. It was more lively the the other victim I had erased from motion. It had a quasi-frantic random flying pattern about it. It would take breaks and find unusual spots to take five. It overwhelmed my attention and its eye grabbing flutters did not annoy me but gave me reason to feel entertained. I lost sight of it leter on and now I can only hope that it’s not dining on a sweater or whatever moth diets consist of…

Psychic: Did you mean “psychotic”?

Google seems to think so…


Psychics are so psychotic that they forget the “ot” in Psych-ot-ic. They actually get paid to have a psychological condition. Makes me happy that complexicated people can get respect for being dysfunctional. Reminds me of

Damnit! There goes my memory. AReGHuh!*&@^#$%@#$

It reminded me of ? all of the sudden then decided it didn’t want to recall it in time for me to jot it down after taking a little break. Stupid short term memory. Let me give it a minute [minute goes by] and it never came. Maybe in a week I’ll finish this post but it’ll go live anyhow.

gang rape celebrated in place called hell

Has anyone eaten Barry Bonds home run ball yet? The IRS is already putting taxation on that valuable ball. Interest is rising ya know. You can witness the real homerun ball on NASA TV still traveling in space. To calm the crowd, SWAT had to blast fastballs via pitching machines at the crowd. They were subdued promptly. The Arizona Diamondbacks were not happy that they didn’t catch it, but they did give Barry Bonds time to speak about his team and his family and all else that mattered to him. God bless his baseball. It will need it after the brawl of a quarter of the stadium raced for the prized gold plated ball. The pitcher knew he was required to pitch his hitting ball so he engraved a message in pure gold that reads:

The tally is not exact, but there are thousands of alleged Home Run baseballs in the sewers of NYC.

If only the world was a baseball game.

The Normalcy of Psychosis

Who doesn’t have impaired contact with reality? If you said that you didn’t, then you prove my point. To stay on quasi-neutral footing though, there is nothing to say that I am equally as wrong (which seems to show I have some loss of reality). Most things in life are mandated by mankind. There are certain conditions that our biological makeup allow, but the rest of our mental state comes from an expectation of others and/or the perception of the person performing act or non-act.

A healthy mind capable of consciousness shares the same attributes as someone described as psychotic. They both have no credible (objective) means to confirm reality other than their experience; it can’t be transcended and even if it can then the transcendence needs to be objectively confirmed. Does probability prove that if 1 person sees a dollar bill on a desk and others don’t see the dollar bill, that the one individual is out of touch? What if evidence is withheld or another factor alters the view of the 99?

There are three possibilities of alleged people with psychosis and their comprehension of the attribute:

      People who think they are normal, but are diagnosed with psychosis
      People who think they are psychotic, and are diagnosed with psychosis
      People who don’t know or are incapable of rationalizing, and are diagnosed with psychosis

It is put up to an experienced, professional psychologist/psychiatrist whether a person has psychosis or not. I might be getting a little far-fetched, but as a wild thought: what if the psychologist had psychosis? Or the curriculum of abnormal psychology was itself grounded in a psychotic delusion?

Just some thoughts
I think it would be difficult, but if we are to uphold the credibility of scientific conduct, it seems proper to classify things in terms of actual observations than to abstract things further from scientific proof. It might be better to say that Person A is in the minority position, 1-to-99 that a dollar bill rests on the desk. From this, it is induced that he is hallucinating.

What is considered to be an acceptable grasp of reality? Children often are less inclined than adults about many things. That doesn’t mean they are insane. Even normal people sometimes space out or enter irrational states of mind. Complete knowledge is the only reality that doesn’t step into psychosis. Is the use of reality just acceptance and sensational confirmation of popular perception and beliefs?

Why I like The Naked Guy

First off, I’m not nudist. I wear clothes in the shower. I dream about clothed people. I am usually a bit uneasy in a bikini (from all the stares my gorgeous body gets). But I give credit to Andrew Martinez who spent plenty of time nude, not as defiance against morality or a quick way to sexual liberation. He just thought of it almost from a sociological standpoint, that clothing as symbolism and requirement of life is an absurdity.

Clothes are useless in the environment except as a tool for class and gender differentiation.

I’ll mention that he might have been mentally ill, but he was a logical in an interview I read.

And now that I think about it, I believe the first Greek Olympic Games were done in the nude. The ancient art world is full of nude art that is still popular today. There is no difference. The hypopracy!

Clinton’s cleavage is the new sex tape

Move over Paris Hilton, Hillary Clinton is in the spotlight for showing more than her collarbones.

Hillary Clinton Bare

I don’t even have words for this?! And this has nothing to do with politics. I don’t care if she is Ronald Reagan, this is just ridiculous. I am more appalled at those who actually were staring long enough to see something. Maybe the still photo doesn’t do justice, but there is little to see and much to be imagined. This is not controversial. Cleavage is not going to make or break foreign relations or stop world hunger. In actuality, she is probably getting more and better publicity now that there are no issues to debate, just a pair of middle aged titties getting less than a square inch of light. Shame on you perverts for liking it so much.

Justification: Ends and Means

Many pose the question, “Does the end justify the means?” without examining the same question, but switched around.

Does doing good deeds justify a bad outcome? Yes. It is rare when we know for a fact that doing evil will result in a good outcome, so why try to do wrong to achieve a good end? Doing good (feeding a starving child) is justified despite an occasion where the child may get sick from eating it.

But back to the more common question, “Does the end justify the means?” Should we avoid giving a hungry kid some food, knowing he may get sick? No. We don’t know he will get sick.