“You’re never more naked than when you’re fully dressed”
The sound of one hand clapping
I was at Pei Wei and esta chica Rachel was there, we was there for the Scriv ya know? anyway we gets to talking about Dhyana Buddhism (or zen for you who don’t know the difference between the Lakota and the sioux). Anyways so I told her to listen to the sound of one hand clapping. Typically (for her) she immediately descends upon the process of devouring my proposition. (ya’ll know if you eat too fast you ain’t getting the right nutrients and all…indigestion; system crash) anyway. so she gets to thinking about the simplest and quickest answer (not as to answer the question but to get it out of her way) and says “I get it…it’s silence….” To which I say yeah yeah…cool….yeah….. (NO)….
For though one’s hand doesn’t make sound alone (save mayve for the bat’s who can hear my fingers move) one can still hear the noise of the hand as imagined in the mind. The hand simultaneously does and doesn’t make noise; though this is not a contradiction as I have said, literally it is not producing sound waves which are audible to humans; however even if one were to become deaf they sill have the noise within the mind. This is what it means for me to listen to the sound of one hand clapping. Your clothed body is the most sublime erotica. BEWARE children, not to corrupt the sacred circuit of the kiss, the holy placebo channel of the brain. Tainted windows U238, maxim, higher potency, higher toxicity, surrounding micro-nutrients and towns neglected and left to radioactive decay.
So I was showering naked. Things got werse from then. I believed in were-animals for a moment and wondered if they exist, would they wear clothes. Normally one does not expect them to, but if they shapeshift would they still be wearing the clothing? I won’t be able to sleep until I can settle into the truth of the unactualized beings.
Don’t call it murder when I feed
It’s just the nourishment I need
I cannot curb this appetite
Or I’ll disturb my natural plight
So what if I’m a wolf on full moon nights
I’m still part man and I’ve got rights
I’m sniffin’ out the blood and I take bites!
“The vampire converts quality, live blood, vitality, youth, talent, into quantity, food and time for himself. He perpetrates the most basic betrayal of the human spirit, reducing all human dreams to his shit. And that’s the wrongest wrong a man can be.” -William S Burroughs
I am not the political woman, but I must voice myself in the debate to a controversial issue. In the homosexual hotbed of America lies millions of would-be children. That is okay. Population control at work. Abortion isn’t a fun thing for anybody, especially the baby. As part of an affirmative action initiative, we should waive abortion restrictions for gays and lesbians of all creed and color and allow them to be first in line at abortion clinics. Even homosexual toddlers should have extra rights that protect their right to choose. Gay children should be able to choose which bathroom they attend.
Sugar Free or Sugar Slave? Well I’m not a hyperactive gal so I must be fairly free. Every day this semester, college seems like it’s taking me nowhere except to some place that seems like nowhere. Regardless of classes I’m taking, teachers I’m learning from, and homework I’m doing, I feel like an obese learner. I’m a university couch potato. I actually do my work and study. Hit the books… with my face. But seriously- I am learning very little hearing an hour lecture every weekday on garbology. I need a student loan to loan me a four-year vacation. Don’t you love it when your Food Science and Nutrition instructor expands on global warming threats. And she doesn’t even relate it back to how it slow roasts food! Mmm, warm carrots. Simmering salmon. Wind-roasted apples. NO!?! None of it. There’s only a surcharge of $600 to sit through the class and escape with an acceptable lowfat grade. Watch your carbs and ask Weight Watchers to watch you wait.
So to all dying for some turkey, make your own recipe. It’s not that hard to make a turkey, unless you plan of giving birth to one. And yess. I had a fine Thanksgiving. Turkey Day was almost as good. Just ask Hulk Hogan if he’s heard of Atkins. It is documented that diets do work, but will power loses to keep it off. It becomes progressively harder to lose more weight because your body fights to maintain its set point. Think of it as an equilibrium where your chemistry tells you what is best. For some it’s 350 lbs. Others: 600 kilos. What if we just gave hypothyroid medication to overweight people? Too many people suffer from Dietbetes. Dieting is not such a great idea in itself. Exercise and have smaller meals instead of 2 or 3 big ones. Dieting causes obesity to stay a problem. And it’s not anyone’s fault. Diets are made to be broken. (Cue the Goo Goo Dolls’ “Iris” song). Moderation is a better word and tactic. Digressing into compromise–Everyone is on a diet. I’m on the “eat what you feel like and prefer the healthier stuff” diet. My portions and number of meals vary. That’s OK. I’m skinny, but not concerned about how many pounds I own. I’m more concerned about my breasts, my heart, my brain. Ward off heart disease. Coronary arteries would not enjoy a disease.
I’m debating whether or not to earn a few dollars a year by adding adverts here. I like being honest without selling words without complete mind control. It costs a few tens a year to keep my site running so I might just give it a go. Then stop. We’ll see, now won’t we? My sleeves have magic tricks embedded in them. And a change is gonna come (maybe).
I’m so excited today. Someone from Peguin got in touch with me to publish a novel I wrote. It looks like they will make a limited run and see how well it does. I don’t have an agent or anything either, so I’m stoked that it has gotten attention.
The novel is almost a love story, but it has nothing to do with love. It’s a twisted tale of a woman who sees the drastic flux in New York City from when she was young to now. I’m not at liberty to tell you the title, but I will keep you posted about any important events.
I just got dismissed from my workplace as a secretary because I missed work without notifying anyone. I’m not going shopping for a long time and I wish I could give it back to pay off my credit cards. My parents are helping me out, but it still sucks. I had fun in Mexico and spent my earnings on random accessories, but now I know it wasn’t worth it (half our stuff got stolen). I’m becoming who I don’t want to be. Me, Valerie, and Gina hitched a ride down to Mexico with a family of three and found some good lookin boys to hang out with that night. We slept on the floor in their house and passed out. The next morning we had trouble finding a way back. We tried to get back into the states and we ended up getting driven by a creepy old man in a white pickup truck. After being uncomfortable for like 5 minutes we decided to say “we wanted to stop here” in order to find a new ride. I was kinda hungry since I hadn’t eaten, but I lost my appetite from being scared. Before the sun came down, two women picked us up and brought us to Green Valley (half an hour away from my home). Another man who was bald took us into town. I’m home now and I won’t be able to go to sleep tonight.
I’m going to start by revealing how I got started here. I’ve never kept an actual diary before. I like to write things down, partly because I can look back at myself and the other part is I can keep track of my thoughts. Instead of displaying my activities on myspace, I wanted to make my own site. The vision I had was I could have complete strangers read and be read without the worry of being invited or accepted based on criteria of your profile. It doesn’t matter here. I have a myspace, but I get sick of the guys messaging me with inappropriate material. In other words- being rude and invasive and making me feel uncomfortable. Plus there is some bad news that myspace was invented on a spam marketing scheme. No wonder all those bulletins are just more advertisements. I can understand advertising to keep the site in business, but half a page of ads? I had to delete my account because it got hacked and sent porn links to my friends. Now I only touch myspace with a stick to keep in touch with friends. It’s pretty hard to type with a stick though.
Anyway, back on topic. So I had a plan, now I needed to execute it. What should I call it? I had a few names that I liked.
A few of those were taken already. I wanted something short, but I couldn’t find the perfect name. I became desperate. I was searching for the wackiest site names. I found out that FreePMS.com is available, but that’s not what I wanted to make my site into. Eventually I thought of the word complex and how even the word “complex” has several complicated meanings. It can be a chemical compound, psychological abnormality, or a nexus of intricate parts that is hard to explain. I thought all definitions applied to my objective to some degree. The name also has a double interpretation grammatically. It can mean…
Verb: Complex me. As a command, saying “Confuse me,” or make me think.
Adjective: Complex me. As a description of me being hard to understand or being composed of a series of impulses, emotions, or molecules.
Before I was able to make my own website, I found a guy who does web design. Ironically, I found his site when looking for relevant happenings in my town, and we have some of the same interests. So I asked if he could help set up the technical stuff for me. He registered my website name for me and put up a wordpress blog for me. Then he added a few theme templates that were free to use and he ended up not charging for his time. And my site is working just how I want it!