Ok it’s hot during the day and that’s the sun’s fault. When you are in the sun all day chances are you are gunna be sweating, no? Hygiene is a good thing. You don’t want to smell like a bucket of rotting fish. Celebrity Sweating is a site- although entertaining- seems to have a sponsor driven motive to scold people who perspire naturally to control their body temperature. I’m usually farthest from the Hollywood scene but I would visit this site more than I would for Access Hollywood or Extra or Entertainment Tonight (you know the gossip on your least favorite celebs and famous who-cares).
Be grateful you have an eye to see with I have been a bit on edge about my vision worsening and having trouble using my contact lenses. My one eye has been getting red and I’ve been to the eye doctor and I’ll need to wait another week or so to see how things are going. I have some drops that I’m using and hoping that I’ll be back to normal. There is so much to be grateful for in many aspects of our lives. Nobody is at the bottom of all lists. There is no one who is last at everything. Nobody is on top of it all either and we shouldn’t get so focused on ourselves.
Running after eating a full meal is not such a good idea. It’s like getting in a fist fight underwater holding your breath and kicking for air. Humans are not cars. They do not go faster when there is an increased source of energy.
It probably doesn’t help that I have been a huge slacker and not exercising. Take it easy. I need to follow my advice. All of it. I’m having a midbrain crisis.
Blow up into the atmosphere where a change goes unnoticed. Erase myself from invisible sheers. Explosives are held at arm’s length, but they won’t escape my person until I realize they were created by me.
I promised myself that I wouldn’t get drunk and like always I fail myself. I told my half-boyfriend (it’s a long story) that after the first time I got wasted that I wouldn’t do it again. He cares for me, but I seriously need a break to think things out and straighten other things out. It’s sucks being sick. I am sick. I disgust myself because I drank to high heaven again. Luckily, I remembered everything and I’m not the type to hang over guys or do anything stupid. I rarely go to parties, but when I do I feel I need to get away from life for a little while. Forgive Me! (directed toward myself).
I just got dismissed from my workplace as a secretary because I missed work without notifying anyone. I’m not going shopping for a long time and I wish I could give it back to pay off my credit cards. My parents are helping me out, but it still sucks. I had fun in Mexico and spent my earnings on random accessories, but now I know it wasn’t worth it (half our stuff got stolen). I’m becoming who I don’t want to be. Me, Valerie, and Gina hitched a ride down to Mexico with a family of three and found some good lookin boys to hang out with that night. We slept on the floor in their house and passed out. The next morning we had trouble finding a way back. We tried to get back into the states and we ended up getting driven by a creepy old man in a white pickup truck. After being uncomfortable for like 5 minutes we decided to say “we wanted to stop here” in order to find a new ride. I was kinda hungry since I hadn’t eaten, but I lost my appetite from being scared. Before the sun came down, two women picked us up and brought us to Green Valley (half an hour away from my home). Another man who was bald took us into town. I’m home now and I won’t be able to go to sleep tonight.
I stayed curled up in a ball today. Internally I feel like nothing is resolving. Externally I have nothing to do. I’ve lost my appetite and I can’t think straight. I always try to think of what’s wrong with me. I’m not a hypochondriac but I know there is something short circuiting. (Normality doesn’t exist and that’s not what I’m striving for) I just want to be content. I can handle the unexpected. First I think I’m bipolar or something, then I think I am schizophrenic or psychotic to a mild degree. I want to have Alzheimer’s disease; maybe not. I’m already screwed up it seems to me. I’ve never done any drugs, but I don’t need drugs to make myself feel out of touch. My ex-boyfriend called today and tried to blame me for his cheating on me. This was a few months ago and I can’t stand that he brings it up because I wouldn’t “put out”. I’ve let go of it, but the fact that I persevere in thinking it only compounds the stress. Everything is unstable and I feel like letting the turmoil spill to the ground.