Category Archives: life

living existence

fired and debt

I just got dismissed from my workplace as a secretary because I missed work without notifying anyone. I’m not going shopping for a long time and I wish I could give it back to pay off my credit cards. My parents are helping me out, but it still sucks. I had fun in Mexico and spent my earnings on random accessories, but now I know it wasn’t worth it (half our stuff got stolen). I’m becoming who I don’t want to be. Me, Valerie, and Gina hitched a ride down to Mexico with a family of three and found some good lookin boys to hang out with that night. We slept on the floor in their house and passed out. The next morning we had trouble finding a way back. We tried to get back into the states and we ended up getting driven by a creepy old man in a white pickup truck. After being uncomfortable for like 5 minutes we decided to say “we wanted to stop here” in order to find a new ride. I was kinda hungry since I hadn’t eaten, but I lost my appetite from being scared. Before the sun came down, two women picked us up and brought us to Green Valley (half an hour away from my home). Another man who was bald took us into town. I’m home now and I won’t be able to go to sleep tonight.

When it Began

I’m going to start by revealing how I got started here. I’ve never kept an actual diary before. I like to write things down, partly because I can look back at myself and the other part is I can keep track of my thoughts. Instead of displaying my activities on myspace, I wanted to make my own site. The vision I had was I could have complete strangers read and be read without the worry of being invited or accepted based on criteria of your profile. It doesn’t matter here. I have a myspace, but I get sick of the guys messaging me with inappropriate material. In other words- being rude and invasive and making me feel uncomfortable. Plus there is some bad news that myspace was invented on a spam marketing scheme. No wonder all those bulletins are just more advertisements. I can understand advertising to keep the site in business, but half a page of ads? I had to delete my account because it got hacked and sent porn links to my friends. Now I only touch myspace with a stick to keep in touch with friends. It’s pretty hard to type with a stick though.

Anyway, back on topic. So I had a plan, now I needed to execute it. What should I call it? I had a few names that I liked.

  • eyeslikesparks.com
  • brokenself.com
  • myrah.com
  • drypond.com
  • dreamself.com
  • hightime.com
  • runawaywind.com

A few of those were taken already. I wanted something short, but I couldn’t find the perfect name. I became desperate. I was searching for the wackiest site names. I found out that FreePMS.com is available, but that’s not what I wanted to make my site into. Eventually I thought of the word complex and how even the word “complex” has several complicated meanings. It can be a chemical compound, psychological abnormality, or a nexus of intricate parts that is hard to explain. I thought all definitions applied to my objective to some degree. The name also has a double interpretation grammatically. It can mean…

  • Verb: Complex me. As a command, saying “Confuse me,” or make me think.
  • Adjective: Complex me. As a description of me being hard to understand or being composed of a series of impulses, emotions, or molecules.

Before I was able to make my own website, I found a guy who does web design. Ironically, I found his site when looking for relevant happenings in my town, and we have some of the same interests. So I asked if he could help set up the technical stuff for me. He registered my website name for me and put up a wordpress blog for me. Then he added a few theme templates that were free to use and he ended up not charging for his time. And my site is working just how I want it!