not so androgynous

I suppose there is no such gender term or movement that is an antonym to feminism. There are people accused of male chauvinism, but there is no organization known as menism, malists, and the like. There should be. Although I do believe there is some injustice leftover lingering on women, men have problems of their own. I’m not the one to say what they are, but there are certain differences expected of them. I think more is demanded of us socially, but males have separate issues to deal with. Not as a generalization, but pride and anger are probably more common problems that occur with them. Not many ladies are in jail for crimes that would stem from the preceding reasons I gave.

The world isn’t perfect and it’s easy to disregard everyone. I’ll forgive even if you don’t. Wouldn’t it be nice if I had more of these

through the i of a needle

Why are those that try to be skinny think the problem lies in food and its consumption? Any of these terms sound familiar?- ProAna, thinspo, thinspiration, pro-ana. Anna’s Place a fairly large internet community for anorexic sufferers. It has been criticized that it does not offer a healthy support since their is more encouragement than actual help of recover. Thinspo is promotional videos and pictures of ultra-tiny models and people to encourage people to stay away from food and lose weight.

There are many things that make them want to do this, and I don’t blame it all on Barbie dolls. It’s a more real thing of glamorizing skinny people and admiring actresses and celebrities and being careless about staying alive with as little food as possible. I understand they have problems and need help. But so do people starving in places like Africa and third-world coutries. I want to make a video of starving people who WANTED to eat. That would be true inspiration, true Pro Ana Awa (promote anorexia awareness).

It doesn’t matter if it’s a disease or a personal choice/addition. It is a problem. That needs a solution. If you can fit through the eye of a needle, then your brain is skinny too and you need to exercise your mind to make it grow. Think hard about what you are doing. Is it rational? Will it give you a long or fulfilling life? Food doesn’t make you fat. Think of people in the armed forces. They eat larger portions than general public because they are very active. They consume more calories and most are not overweight. Sure, some are burly or muscular, but that comes with the activity they do. Food makes you live until tomorrow. Fasts and diets are fine in moderation, but they are not a cure for anything.

This ain’t a female problem either. Males can have the same problem. And it’s not just themselves that are sick. It makes a lot of other people sick to see people seeing through distorted eyes.

Running on Full

Running after eating a full meal is not such a good idea. It’s like getting in a fist fight underwater holding your breath and kicking for air. Humans are not cars. They do not go faster when there is an increased source of energy.

It probably doesn’t help that I have been a huge slacker and not exercising. Take it easy. I need to follow my advice. All of it. I’m having a midbrain crisis.

Blow up into the atmosphere where a change goes unnoticed. Erase myself from invisible sheers. Explosives are held at arm’s length, but they won’t escape my person until I realize they were created by me.

eternal reccurrence in the blind spot

How does that quote from Fight Club go? Someone loved this dress very much and then discarded it like a christmas tree, like a condom someone loved it- very passionately- and then discarded it. Vicious cycle? Recycle? Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors? Stagnating in alliteration. Children hunted in the shadow of monamine oxidase. Diffuse past the synapse never to fill a receptor. Metabolized. We seek ananda!

One-time pad, message received, agents destroy pad, all language operates in a similar fashion to a code.

I met a guy (long ago)

Days come and go from all directions and this one hit the jackpot of all plane dives ending in an explosive debris. All I can remember is being quiet. We were both quiet and we stayed that way for a while. Everything was going so well and only got better. We walked on the path at the park and I was swept away. We did nothing, but it was the best feeling ever. Like sleep. I knew how nonsexual the atmosphere was and it was thrilling. We would last for a long time. I can still picture him walking as I saw him through my window on our first date. He had on a sweater and his hair was a little messy. This guy had it all: the looks, the brains, and the personality that hit the spot; until I found out he wasn’t the guy.

That was ages ago. His car has been breaking down, and we’ve been talking on the phone. I haven’t seen him for a while. He spent the day with me yesterday and neglected to ask me what was going on and was acting like a train wreck and I felt like cutting his tongue with scissors [only for a moment]. He was speeding and sliding out of the lanes when he took me home. And then he asked me to do heroin. That’s when I wanted to shoot pesticide into his arm. He wouldn’t let up and I wanted to go home. I wouldn’t mind not seeing him again.

Lies: I won’t get drunk again

I promised myself that I wouldn’t get drunk and like always I fail myself. I told my half-boyfriend (it’s a long story) that after the first time I got wasted that I wouldn’t do it again. He cares for me, but I seriously need a break to think things out and straighten other things out. It’s sucks being sick. I am sick. I disgust myself because I drank to high heaven again. Luckily, I remembered everything and I’m not the type to hang over guys or do anything stupid. I rarely go to parties, but when I do I feel I need to get away from life for a little while. Forgive Me! (directed toward myself).

I feel angry. At my own stupidity.

the origin of Home Run

Take me out to the ball game. I know the reason why the home run was invented, or at least why it’s called that. It all started in 1836 with a group of rambunctious folks in New England where the game using a ball and stick was growing and becoming known as baseball. In the condensed part of town, the had to find the most open area to play. These knickerbockers were out one day as usual, but there was a new player that came into town. He was the burly type you’d think could survive ten Great Depressions. In response to his powerful physique, the pitcher tossed him a swift throw. Legend has it that he was using a rusty pipe that cracked as he pounded the ball through a window of the mayor’s house. Well, he was forced to run, and run fast home. Most of the players spoke broken english, so they said “Home Run!” as they all scattered back to their houses. Nobody wanted to be responsible for that broken window.

revirginization

Myspace is a garden of spam and pornography that would make anyone bulimic. I feel like strangling somebody I’m so enraged at the condition of my world. For instance, take a message like this:

i usually hate spam but my friend sent me this vaginal rejuvenation system and it actually works. you get 10 skin tightenings and the feeling is sick! check it out:

censoredrevirginizations.com

i got new genital sensations, i’m a virgin again, and my husband thinks I’m a young woman again!!
lemme know if u like it

I think that spam increases the suicide rate, and it sure as hell pisses me off when a supposedly true friend of mine on myspace tries to hustle me for some phat ringtonez. I’m smart enough to know that my friend isn’t that shallow and won’t send random shit my direction unless its golden shit. Maybe I’m listening to too much raw and hard punk of early ‘Mats.

Sleep with me

I think we’re a sleep-deprived world. People don’t seem to value their sleep – they seem to view it as time wasted. But sleep is vitally important to a happy, productive life. We’d literally perish if we never slept. Sleep does wonders. Sleep has no worries. In a nightmare, you know that it’s all in your head when you wake up. It’s a place of comfort for me when I feel like my day is wasted. Waking up is like a renewal. A cleansing. You can be dirty as porn star and feel a sense of being cleansed. ‘Cause everybody knows she’s a femme fatale

You’re getting on my nervana

Nirvana is something I’ll never reach. Does anyone really reach it? I don’t think you can grab it. It comes when it pleases and it seems to keep its distance from me. It gets on my nerves that I don’t try to calm myself down to appreciate everything. I need friends who understand me. Having 100 friends does nothing for me. I’m only close to two of my best friends. I want to go to India and live under the trees. And understand. I can’t really sum up they way I feel today. It’s like addition doesn’t add up. Or it’s just complex me.