Category Archives: ramblin’

revirginization

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Myspace is a garden of spam and pornography that would make anyone bulimic. I feel like strangling somebody I’m so enraged at the condition of my world. For instance, take a message like this:

i usually hate spam but my friend sent me this vaginal rejuvenation system and it actually works. you get 10 skin tightenings and the feeling is sick! check it out:

censoredrevirginizations.com

i got new genital sensations, i’m a virgin again, and my husband thinks I’m a young woman again!!
lemme know if u like it

I think that spam increases the suicide rate, and it sure as hell pisses me off when a supposedly true friend of mine on myspace tries to hustle me for some phat ringtonez. I’m smart enough to know that my friend isn’t that shallow and won’t send random shit my direction unless its golden shit. Maybe I’m listening to too much raw and hard punk of early ‘Mats.

would you like fries with that?

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Taking a shower is one of the things that keeps me going. The shower is in my Top 5 list of things that make a day perfect. The waters got to be the right temperature. I squeeze out just the right portion of conditioner. Then I lather up my soap in the loofah with enough consistency. It’s like a heaven that fish live in and people only get a taste of.

One thing that’s always puzzled me wherever I go; any shower I use, there’s a small thing that gets on my nerves. Why does the nozzle that you would use for a bath decide to spill a final remainder of water when I’m all done? Sometimes it runs off right away; other times theres a delay. Why can’t I save it for later? Whoever made the system is a jerk. Did he really think I was going to take a two-second bath, especially after I just took a ten-minute shower? It’s like the equally annoying phrase “Would you like fries with that?” -NO, I would not like fries. I already ordered fries dammit.

meh

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I wrote a poem today,

Nausea,
my secret friend
You have no idea
Where I’ve been
Hiding Agamemnon.

I’m not sure what it is supposed to be about, I wrote it spontaneously. I’m frustrated by my coworkers hitting on me. They always tend to assume I’m a lesbian since I don’t return their feelings. Never seems to occur to them that I might simply be dead inside. Or that I may have a schizoid personality disorder. [A word comes to mind- scrotum. How hideous, it sounds like a velociraptor or a bird. Mute. That’s what they want isn’t it? Passing inanimate gestures as they cough up words to express what? Sexual interest? If you can’t enjoy the gore of my vagina bleeding you’re probably too young to be having sex with me billy.] I don’t know why other girls like the mean guys I want someone cool and brain dead, like Andy Warhol. Hmmm perhaps a catatonic boy would be nice. Not contaminated by the cancerous prions of society.

Note: prions are proteins that cause diseases such as Creutzfeldt Jacob’s disease, that is what they call a person with mad cows disease.

I heard my science teacher joke once that male ejaculate had a high protein content and so it was good for you to eat. Maybe that’s what’s wrong with these other girls, contamination by prions. “This stuff is amazing bob I lost 70% of my fat using this diet pill admittedly most of the fat lost came from my brain but hey…”