Sugar Free or Sugar Slave? Well I’m not a hyperactive gal so I must be fairly free. Every day this semester, college seems like it’s taking me nowhere except to some place that seems like nowhere. Regardless of classes I’m taking, teachers I’m learning from, and homework I’m doing, I feel like an obese learner. I’m a university couch potato. I actually do my work and study. Hit the books… with my face. But seriously- I am learning very little hearing an hour lecture every weekday on garbology. I need a student loan to loan me a four-year vacation. Don’t you love it when your Food Science and Nutrition instructor expands on global warming threats. And she doesn’t even relate it back to how it slow roasts food! Mmm, warm carrots. Simmering salmon. Wind-roasted apples. NO!?! None of it. There’s only a surcharge of $600 to sit through the class and escape with an acceptable lowfat grade. Watch your carbs and ask Weight Watchers to watch you wait.
So to all dying for some turkey, make your own recipe. It’s not that hard to make a turkey, unless you plan of giving birth to one. And yess. I had a fine Thanksgiving. Turkey Day was almost as good. Just ask Hulk Hogan if he’s heard of Atkins. It is documented that diets do work, but will power loses to keep it off. It becomes progressively harder to lose more weight because your body fights to maintain its set point. Think of it as an equilibrium where your chemistry tells you what is best. For some it’s 350 lbs. Others: 600 kilos. What if we just gave hypothyroid medication to overweight people? Too many people suffer from Dietbetes. Dieting is not such a great idea in itself. Exercise and have smaller meals instead of 2 or 3 big ones. Dieting causes obesity to stay a problem. And it’s not anyone’s fault. Diets are made to be broken. (Cue the Goo Goo Dolls’ “Iris” song). Moderation is a better word and tactic. Digressing into compromise–Everyone is on a diet. I’m on the “eat what you feel like and prefer the healthier stuff” diet. My portions and number of meals vary. That’s OK. I’m skinny, but not concerned about how many pounds I own. I’m more concerned about my breasts, my heart, my brain. Ward off heart disease. Coronary arteries would not enjoy a disease.
Not many people know, but my mom is a convicted felon charged with voluntary manslaughter against “Pop.” My father (he sure ain’t a dad) was verbally abusive toward my mother for years. He would get hammered from a refrigerator of Miller brews. Not a night would go by without me waking up hearing him yell about nothing. I got as comfortable as I could get going to elementary school the next day. It was one evening that my father pushed her in a rage. It was not a violent or painful shove, but enough to demand a response. She cracked. She hospitalized my father that night. That night I became a temporary orphan. My mom would be at the local jail that night, and my father recovering from burns on his face from a hot pan and a broken jaw. The episode lasted no longer than a minute, but I remember it clearer than anything I’ve witnessed and it stays with me. It has affected my life forever.
I hear that most women are in jail due to problems with a relationship that led to crime like being abused and fighting back. This is what happened in my family. I live with my dad, unhappily… He shares some of the blame and I can tell he feels ashamed. Instead of a remedy, he has sunk further to drinking. Since the divorce, my dad has come out of the closet and I’ve seen the strangest guys in and out of my house for the past year. I am ready to leave but don’t have enough to live out on my own. I’m a little dysfunctional myself and wouldn’t want to burden my friends who are struggling themselves.
I don’t think there is any value in wearing it, except for fur. Hats of meat go beyond moderation and give steak lovers a bad name. People could be eating those sausage links, the ground beef, the pork chops. Stinky hats just asking to be called a grease-head and a swarm of insects sounds like no party to me. Just a bad idea if you ask me or even if you don’t ask me.
I’m so appalled that I need to propose a new invention. You know those beer helmets used by crazed football fans for hands-free guzzling?
Well how about the hookah hat with the same design. Secure a chamber for the coals so you don’t burn yourself, then harness it and use the tube like you would the beer holder helmet. Instead of drinking, you’ll be hitting the shisha in a convenient way that your frat brothers will envy (or others for that matter). Now this might sound silly, but it’s ingenious compared to a meathat.
You think men are the hunters, heh? Well did you ever realize that sexually active women are devouring sausage via their penis fly traps? The real meat eaters have been the phemail race, not as gatherers as evolution/anthropology/culture studies suggest. Reverting to venus fly traps… They live on meat. Does PETA wish for the extinction of such plants? I hope not. It just shows that eating animals is a common occurrence that is found naturally. Chowing down on chicken is an organic endeavor. If you can’t stand the killing, then don’t eat it. Steakhouses should have a slaughterhouse upstairs that is audible from the dining area. If you feel queasy hearing your meal screaming, then you should order something else. If you don’t mind eating an animal if it is put to death humanely, then please order the ribeye. Think of it as recycling. Instead of burying the bovines, it gets used as food for the hungry.
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