Monthly Archives: October 2007

Meat is a woman’s best friend.

Going back to a topic I’ve already put some thought into, rawhide is a man’s best friend in the blistering sun. A new study came out recently that proves that animals have been eating other animals to survive. This 7 year finding observed animals from all continents to see if they would eat or starve. In almost all cases the animals consumed other animals and bugs even if they were given leafy desserts afterwards. Some stubborn animals refused to eat cooked meals, but the scientists managed to force feed lab rats to unsuspecting animals while sleeping or procreating. Beyond the studies, it has been found that plant-eaters, or derogatively known as herbivores, have a higher occurrence of constipation due to high fiber in the stools. They are the end of the food chain as they will be devoured by predators.

Us hippies prefer to save the earth and keep Mother Nature free from crop destroying plant killers. Think of all the oxygen we could gain and all the CO2 that would be swallowed by uneaten trees and shrubbery!?! We’d be one leap closer to a greener utopia where mother and child could suck the last morsel of meat off a rack of ribs. HERBal teas? Nah… We prefer Carnal Tea.

Protein is important for health and growth. And the protein that comes from an animal is guaranteed to be more kinetic due to the warmblooded-ness of many of your favorite foods. This extra energy emits a stronger action potential that has been correlated with fulfilling longevity. A little-known fact is that some vegetables and non-metazoan foods contain harmful Acrylamide, or Contratein (against protein) which can be found in potato chips, french fries, baked wheat products, and possibly fried greens and veggies. Acrylamide eats away protein antibodies that may lead to a higher incidence of pathogen-carriers such organic cancer (colloquially known as herbal organ intoxication) and carnophobia.


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Please think the next time you order something from a fast food joint. Get that Big Mac without lettuce. Avoid raw leafy substances. Remember when they recalled spinach? They recalled it for a reason. It’s disgusting (without being covered in meat broth). Bugs and stupid small-brained animals resort to eating, sleeping on, and defecating on plants for leisure. Stay as far away as you can from plants and your mouth. Every plant has its germ. The chlorophyll and plant structure is designed to survive and one of its tactics is human sickness. It is nearly impossible to remove every bacteria and fungus from a plant. It requires temperatures hot enough to cremate the plant before microorganisms are totally abolished. After it has been sanitized, it no longer contains nutrients and the ashes have a bad aftertaste. Believe me, I’ve tried to mask the taste with cod liver oil and butter with no luck. Just say no to saying yes to plant food. You are not a hamster. You are a sausage king. Just don’t get too carried away and enter a hot dog competition.

“unnecessary” quotation marks

I’m not a grammar Nazi, but I thought this was funny and educational “in one fell swoop.”

Necessary use of quotes include

- demarcating speech: “Yo Dawg,” said Rover.
- sarcasm or ironic references, often said with intonation or with the help of air quotes.
- Use–mention, noting the word itself rather than concept or meaning: “Uke” may have originated as a shortened form of “ukelele.”
- Titles: I repeatedly listened to the Beach Boys’ “I Just Wasn’t Made for These Times” 12 times.

Other times they are used for emphasizing words, when more accurately underlining, italicizing, highlighting, or even circling may be less ambiguous to the intentions.

I’ll let you wear my “clean” clothes.

This could imply you are lending not-so-clean clothes. Or that “clean” has a different meaning than expected. Think about the importance of a place that has “AIDS free” needles! Hah.

Get your “kicks” on “Route 66″ over at “http://quotation-marks.blogspot.com/

Get a fix of caffeine through skin absorption.

A normal serving of Caffeinated Soap will dish out 200 mg of caffeine directly into your body. No eating of the soap is required. Just cleanse yourself with this and feel rejuvinated. Shock Soap is the new cocaine.

In the name of productivity do people turn into products.

Caffeine powder

This is a picture of raw caffeine in white crystalline powder. Looks a bit like cocaine, but it’s much more legal and widespread. Even narcs use it.

detrimental health equivalance

cigarettes
second hand smoke
caffeine
sugar
sugar substitutes / artificial sweeteners
stevia
sage
alcohol
marijuana
butter vs. margarine

Use of these products may be hazardous to your health.

These could all be bad for you, your health, your body, your life. Did I forget the harder stuff? Meth isn’t so great. Everything kills you slowly. Diet soda isn’t better than regular soda. You may have an excuse if your diabetic, maybe.

Aspartame doesn’t seem to have a good track record. Saccharin, while not crazy dangerous, used to have a cancer warning. It has been studied more closely and such a problem was not concluded by peer review.

Sweet'n Cancer

The thing to ponder today is why there is concern. Most studies are inconclusive about long term damages. This shouldn’t make you automatically conclude they will make you drop dead. On the other token, you shouldn’t classify anything as safe just because the FDA or a bunch of Ph. D’s give an OK. Everything is relative. Moderation is key, but sometimes a few drops or a sprinkle is the spark for a fire. Everyone has a vice and I am sick of seeing hostility for a drunkard when the accuser is a coffee junkie. Or a chain smoker who speaks ill of “Made from sugar, so it tastes like sugar” products. Or a drug lord who complains of second hand smoke. You don’t eat 6000 calories in one sitting like your obese neighbor; instead you sit in your chair watching 18 straight hours of television nagging your mother to find batteries for the remote. Huffing spray paint isn’t your game either. You prefer to fight people in and out of the ring.

Their dislike may be justified, but they fail to realize what they do could be just as deserving of flak. GRRR. Do we need any more reminders that we are imperfect? Make yourself feel better by telling yourself that you are in the better position. You don’t do illegal drugs; you just take Adderall for a disease you think you have. I call it Self-fulfilling ADD Pseudoprophecy. Time to increase the dose- you’re not feeling sedated enough.