Monthly Archives: June 2007

through the i of a needle

Why are those that try to be skinny think the problem lies in food and its consumption? Any of these terms sound familiar?- ProAna, thinspo, thinspiration, pro-ana. Anna’s Place a fairly large internet community for anorexic sufferers. It has been criticized that it does not offer a healthy support since their is more encouragement than actual help of recover. Thinspo is promotional videos and pictures of ultra-tiny models and people to encourage people to stay away from food and lose weight.

There are many things that make them want to do this, and I don’t blame it all on Barbie dolls. It’s a more real thing of glamorizing skinny people and admiring actresses and celebrities and being careless about staying alive with as little food as possible. I understand they have problems and need help. But so do people starving in places like Africa and third-world coutries. I want to make a video of starving people who WANTED to eat. That would be true inspiration, true Pro Ana Awa (promote anorexia awareness).

It doesn’t matter if it’s a disease or a personal choice/addition. It is a problem. That needs a solution. If you can fit through the eye of a needle, then your brain is skinny too and you need to exercise your mind to make it grow. Think hard about what you are doing. Is it rational? Will it give you a long or fulfilling life? Food doesn’t make you fat. Think of people in the armed forces. They eat larger portions than general public because they are very active. They consume more calories and most are not overweight. Sure, some are burly or muscular, but that comes with the activity they do. Food makes you live until tomorrow. Fasts and diets are fine in moderation, but they are not a cure for anything.

This ain’t a female problem either. Males can have the same problem. And it’s not just themselves that are sick. It makes a lot of other people sick to see people seeing through distorted eyes.

Running on Full

Running after eating a full meal is not such a good idea. It’s like getting in a fist fight underwater holding your breath and kicking for air. Humans are not cars. They do not go faster when there is an increased source of energy.

It probably doesn’t help that I have been a huge slacker and not exercising. Take it easy. I need to follow my advice. All of it. I’m having a midbrain crisis.

Blow up into the atmosphere where a change goes unnoticed. Erase myself from invisible sheers. Explosives are held at arm’s length, but they won’t escape my person until I realize they were created by me.

eternal reccurrence in the blind spot

How does that quote from Fight Club go? Someone loved this dress very much and then discarded it like a christmas tree, like a condom someone loved it- very passionately- and then discarded it. Vicious cycle? Recycle? Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors? Stagnating in alliteration. Children hunted in the shadow of monamine oxidase. Diffuse past the synapse never to fill a receptor. Metabolized. We seek ananda!

One-time pad, message received, agents destroy pad, all language operates in a similar fashion to a code.

I met a guy (long ago)

Days come and go from all directions and this one hit the jackpot of all plane dives ending in an explosive debris. All I can remember is being quiet. We were both quiet and we stayed that way for a while. Everything was going so well and only got better. We walked on the path at the park and I was swept away. We did nothing, but it was the best feeling ever. Like sleep. I knew how nonsexual the atmosphere was and it was thrilling. We would last for a long time. I can still picture him walking as I saw him through my window on our first date. He had on a sweater and his hair was a little messy. This guy had it all: the looks, the brains, and the personality that hit the spot; until I found out he wasn’t the guy.

That was ages ago. His car has been breaking down, and we’ve been talking on the phone. I haven’t seen him for a while. He spent the day with me yesterday and neglected to ask me what was going on and was acting like a train wreck and I felt like cutting his tongue with scissors [only for a moment]. He was speeding and sliding out of the lanes when he took me home. And then he asked me to do heroin. That’s when I wanted to shoot pesticide into his arm. He wouldn’t let up and I wanted to go home. I wouldn’t mind not seeing him again.

Lies: I won’t get drunk again

I promised myself that I wouldn’t get drunk and like always I fail myself. I told my half-boyfriend (it’s a long story) that after the first time I got wasted that I wouldn’t do it again. He cares for me, but I seriously need a break to think things out and straighten other things out. It’s sucks being sick. I am sick. I disgust myself because I drank to high heaven again. Luckily, I remembered everything and I’m not the type to hang over guys or do anything stupid. I rarely go to parties, but when I do I feel I need to get away from life for a little while. Forgive Me! (directed toward myself).

I feel angry. At my own stupidity.