Take me out to the ball game. I know the reason why the home run was invented, or at least why it’s called that. It all started in 1836 with a group of rambunctious folks in New England where the game using a ball and stick was growing and becoming known as baseball. In the condensed part of town, the had to find the most open area to play. These knickerbockers were out one day as usual, but there was a new player that came into town. He was the burly type you’d think could survive ten Great Depressions. In response to his powerful physique, the pitcher tossed him a swift throw. Legend has it that he was using a rusty pipe that cracked as he pounded the ball through a window of the mayor’s house. Well, he was forced to run, and run fast home. Most of the players spoke broken english, so they said “Home Run!” as they all scattered back to their houses. Nobody wanted to be responsible for that broken window.
Myspace is a garden of spam and pornography that would make anyone bulimic. I feel like strangling somebody I’m so enraged at the condition of my world. For instance, take a message like this:
i usually hate spam but my friend sent me this vaginal rejuvenation system and it actually works. you get 10 skin tightenings and the feeling is sick! check it out:
i got new genital sensations, i’m a virgin again, and my husband thinks I’m a young woman again!!
lemme know if u like it
I think that spam increases the suicide rate, and it sure as hell pisses me off when a supposedly true friend of mine on myspace tries to hustle me for some phat ringtonez. I’m smart enough to know that my friend isn’t that shallow and won’t send random shit my direction unless its golden shit. Maybe I’m listening to too much raw and hard punk of early ‘Mats.
I think we’re a sleep-deprived world. People don’t seem to value their sleep – they seem to view it as time wasted. But sleep is vitally important to a happy, productive life. We’d literally perish if we never slept. Sleep does wonders. Sleep has no worries. In a nightmare, you know that it’s all in your head when you wake up. It’s a place of comfort for me when I feel like my day is wasted. Waking up is like a renewal. A cleansing. You can be dirty as porn star and feel a sense of being cleansed. ‘Cause everybody knows she’s a femme fatale
Nirvana is something I’ll never reach. Does anyone really reach it? I don’t think you can grab it. It comes when it pleases and it seems to keep its distance from me. It gets on my nerves that I don’t try to calm myself down to appreciate everything. I need friends who understand me. Having 100 friends does nothing for me. I’m only close to two of my best friends. I want to go to India and live under the trees. And understand. I can’t really sum up they way I feel today. It’s like addition doesn’t add up. Or it’s just complex me.
Weirdness. After doing a few stupid things lately I’ve had a while to think. I wish that:
1. I had three eyes or 4D vision.
2. Meat grew on trees.
3. I had 2 brains or 2 hearts.
4. Life had an eraser.
5. Robots would replace child labor.
6. I could run on batteries.
7. I could see music.
8. Men got pregnant.
9. Breathing was optional.
10. There were more than 3 primary colors.
11. Inanimate objects could talk.
12. Bodies/teeth/hair cleaned themselves.
13. Dreams could really interact between people.
I just got dismissed from my workplace as a secretary because I missed work without notifying anyone. I’m not going shopping for a long time and I wish I could give it back to pay off my credit cards. My parents are helping me out, but it still sucks. I had fun in Mexico and spent my earnings on random accessories, but now I know it wasn’t worth it (half our stuff got stolen). I’m becoming who I don’t want to be. Me, Valerie, and Gina hitched a ride down to Mexico with a family of three and found some good lookin boys to hang out with that night. We slept on the floor in their house and passed out. The next morning we had trouble finding a way back. We tried to get back into the states and we ended up getting driven by a creepy old man in a white pickup truck. After being uncomfortable for like 5 minutes we decided to say “we wanted to stop here” in order to find a new ride. I was kinda hungry since I hadn’t eaten, but I lost my appetite from being scared. Before the sun came down, two women picked us up and brought us to Green Valley (half an hour away from my home). Another man who was bald took us into town. I’m home now and I won’t be able to go to sleep tonight.
-hitchhiking to Mexico. Be back when I can find a ride back…
I stayed curled up in a ball today. Internally I feel like nothing is resolving. Externally I have nothing to do. I’ve lost my appetite and I can’t think straight. I always try to think of what’s wrong with me. I’m not a hypochondriac but I know there is something short circuiting. (Normality doesn’t exist and that’s not what I’m striving for) I just want to be content. I can handle the unexpected. First I think I’m bipolar or something, then I think I am schizophrenic or psychotic to a mild degree. I want to have Alzheimer’s disease; maybe not. I’m already screwed up it seems to me. I’ve never done any drugs, but I don’t need drugs to make myself feel out of touch. My ex-boyfriend called today and tried to blame me for his cheating on me. This was a few months ago and I can’t stand that he brings it up because I wouldn’t “put out”. I’ve let go of it, but the fact that I persevere in thinking it only compounds the stress. Everything is unstable and I feel like letting the turmoil spill to the ground.
Taking a shower is one of the things that keeps me going. The shower is in my Top 5 list of things that make a day perfect. The waters got to be the right temperature. I squeeze out just the right portion of conditioner. Then I lather up my soap in the loofah with enough consistency. It’s like a heaven that fish live in and people only get a taste of.
One thing that’s always puzzled me wherever I go; any shower I use, there’s a small thing that gets on my nerves. Why does the nozzle that you would use for a bath decide to spill a final remainder of water when I’m all done? Sometimes it runs off right away; other times theres a delay. Why can’t I save it for later? Whoever made the system is a jerk. Did he really think I was going to take a two-second bath, especially after I just took a ten-minute shower? It’s like the equally annoying phrase “Would you like fries with that?” -NO, I would not like fries. I already ordered fries dammit.
I wrote a poem today,
my secret friend
You have no idea
Where I’ve been
I’m not sure what it is supposed to be about, I wrote it spontaneously. I’m frustrated by my coworkers hitting on me. They always tend to assume I’m a lesbian since I don’t return their feelings. Never seems to occur to them that I might simply be dead inside. Or that I may have a schizoid personality disorder. [A word comes to mind- scrotum. How hideous, it sounds like a velociraptor or a bird. Mute. That’s what they want isn’t it? Passing inanimate gestures as they cough up words to express what? Sexual interest? If you can’t enjoy the gore of my vagina bleeding you’re probably too young to be having sex with me billy.] I don’t know why other girls like the mean guys I want someone cool and brain dead, like Andy Warhol. Hmmm perhaps a catatonic boy would be nice. Not contaminated by the cancerous prions of society.
Note: prions are proteins that cause diseases such as Creutzfeldt Jacob’s disease, that is what they call a person with mad cows disease.
I heard my science teacher joke once that male ejaculate had a high protein content and so it was good for you to eat. Maybe that’s what’s wrong with these other girls, contamination by prions. “This stuff is amazing bob I lost 70% of my fat using this diet pill admittedly most of the fat lost came from my brain but hey…”